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Monday, April 27

How To Talk To Men

Have you ever gone out for dinner or coffee with a man you were really interested in, only to find that keeping the conversation going was a struggle?

Have you ever wanted to REALLY connect with a man on an emotional level, only to find that he wasn't interested at all in talking about his feelings?

What these scenarios have in common is a basic misunderstanding of how and why men communicate. While you're trying to talk to a man in the same way you'd like to be talked to, he may be wishing that you could just stop talking for a minute so that he could gather his thoughts or just enjoy being in the moment.

It's a complaint as old as time: men think that women talk too much, while women think that men talk too little.

So how can you talk to a man in a way that will establish a connection and make him happy? In this article, I'm going to give you three tips to improve your communication with men.

1. Allow him space to think.

While we're used to jumping in with our thoughts and continuing passionately until we're interrupted, not all men feel as if they can think with an impassioned woman talking at them. Say what you have to say, then stop and allow him time to work things through in his head.

Don't get upset if you have to sit in silence for a minute or two while he figures out what he wants to say. He's not giving you the silent treatment. He's just processing what you said so that he can give you the best response possible.

Similarly, if your man is the quiet type, avoid interrupting him. He wants to feel that you're listening to him, and this requires you to sit patiently for however long it takes him to get out what he wants to say. Active listening will encourage your man to share his thoughts more often, because he knows that you'll listen to what he has to say.

2. Be direct.

One of men's major complaints about women's communication style is that "they don't just come out and said what they mean."

For example, most women will drop hints about what they want for a Christmas present and get upset when their partner doesn't pick up the clues. Men don't enjoy little games like this. If you keep a man guessing, he's more likely to get frustrated than figure it out.

So master the art of being direct. If a man asks you where you want to go on a date, only tell him that you don't care if you actually DON'T care. If there's a particular restaurant that you've been dropping hints about, tell him point-blank that you'd like to go. It won't diminish the pleasure of the experience, I promise!

3. Draw a man out with activities, not with confrontations.

There's no better way to ensure that a man will clam up than confronting him about his "inadequate" communication skills. Asking a man, "Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you open up?" will simply make him feel like you've put him on the spot, and his stubbornness will kick in.

You must remember that men are socialized to express their emotions through activity rather than words. A father will applaud his son for getting his aggression out on the football field, but if that son tries to talk to his father about his feelings, he'll be most likely be met with a blank wall.

Men defend themselves when they feel they've been emotionally attacked by withdrawing behind what I call their "blank wall." Their faces go blank. They become emotionless, logical debaters. They seek to win the argument even at the cost of hurting you.

Avoid triggering this defensive mechanism by using activities to draw out your man. You may want to go mini-golfing, go to an amusement park, or go for a hike. The most important criterion is that it is physical; going to the movies or to dinner doesn't count. You get extra points if you choose an activity that requires you to work as a team.

As you focus on the activity rather than the lack of communication, you may very well find that you can rebuild your intimacy as a couple without needing words. Better yet, as he experiences the satisfaction of demonstrating his skills through activity, he may become comfortable enough to open up to you and share things he would have never said if you'd sat down face to face.

You can learn more about the art of interacting with men at my website, "How to Be Irresistible to Men." I offer a FREE 6-Part Mini-Course that will totally transform how you relate to men. If you're finding it hard to meet GOOD men, if you're afraid of getting hurt again, or if you're afraid that you'll never meet the man of your dreams, this FREE mini-course will turn your beliefs on their head. It's never too late to claim the kind relationship you've always wanted. -Amy Waterman

1 comment:

  1. Are we that hard to communicate with?
    We are very different but there are things we have in common.

    ReplyDelete

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