The Power of Effective Listening

Do people really listen to one another any more?

Being an effective listener can be one of the most powerful life skills you can have in life. I have found Empathic Listening an invaluable tool in my coaching practice. Not only do my clients feel heard and validated but they also find that when they apply this skill in their every day life, it can help them enormously. It is a powerful asset in their business dealings as well as in their close relationships. In modern day society, most of us have forgotten the art of how to really tune in and listen to each other. We are caught up in our world of cell phones and blackberries while trying to hold a conversation with one another. Our minds are often preoccupied and the conversation literally goes in one ear and out the other. Wouldn't it be nice to have a conversation with someone where you not only have their undivided attention but also sense that they are really interested in what you are saying?

The reason Empathic Listening is such an incredibly powerful communication skill is that it lets the other person know you are present and interested in what they are saying. According to the dictionary, empathy is a way of "experiencing as one's own of the feelings of another." When using this skill in communicating with another, you are putting aside your own values, needs and judgments and focusing on the essence of what the other person is thinking, feeling and needing .You acknowledge this person's words by looking them in the eye, nodding your head and responding to them in a way that lets them know you are "there" with them. Your focus stays on the speaker until the person is complete in what they are sharing. An example of this would be: If the speaker is telling you about how they just paid off their credit card debt, your empathic response would be something to the effect of, "That must be a huge relief!" or "You must feel so good!" By acknowledging them in this way, the person feels heard. So many times, the speaker will make a statement and the listener will turn the subject matter back to themselves. Here is an example of NOT being an empathic listener: The speaker says, "I just lost 25 pounds. This is the first time in my life I've been able to lose the weight and keep it off." The non-empathic listener would reply by saying, " I remember the first time I lost a lot of weight. I was so happy until the pounds starting creeping back on, etc, etc." This listener has completely ignored the speakers "win" and emphasized that they are more concerned with themselves. Empathic listening can be a wonderful tool to increase the intimacy in a relationship. When the focus stays on the speaker, both people share a more meaningful exchange.

Try the following exercise with a partner. Take turns sharing about a topic that is important to you (i.e. a problem you are having trouble solving, something exciting happening in your life that you want to share, etc.) The person who is doing the "empathic" listening, should really tune in and pay attention to what the speaker is saying. Keep eye contact, make comments like, "I hear you" or "I understand what you are saying." You don't have to try and solve the person's problem, you just need to let them know that they are being heard. Reverse roles and do the same exercise again. Experience the bond you feel with the other person when you listen in this way.

Empathic listening is about the "quality" of your listening to another person. When a person feels like they've really been heard and understood, they feel validated and cared for. By embracing the skill of listening from your heart instead of your head, you will find your relationships gaining a deeper quality and meaning to them. -Jana Hollingsworth

To book a Mediumship Reading or an Intuitive Coaching session, contact Jana Hollingsworth at janaroseh@yahoo.com. Jana is a Life Coach, Medium and Human Design Analyst www.janahollingsworth.com

How Do You Know If Someone is Lying to You - Telltale Signs of a Liar

Exactly how do you know if someone is lying to you? That's a question we all feel a need to ask at some point. It's frustrating when you believe someone you care about is being dishonest with you. It's even more disappointing when you tell them you think they are lying and they brush it off. Short of hooking them up to a lie detector machine, is there a way to tell if they're being untruthful with you? There actually is. There are a few distinct body language signs of a liar that can help you determine whether or not someone is being honest with you.

One of the telltale signs of a liar that most people aren't aware of is very subtle, but also very telling. Liars have a tendency to want to cover up their lies but figuratively and literally. When a person is lying to you watch their hands. If they bring their hands up to their face and hold one near their mouth or nose that's a signs of a liar. Subconsciously they are trying to cover up their lie and to do so they attempt to conceal their mouth in some way. Most liars aren't even aware that they are doing this at all. Watch for it next time you question the person you believe is lying to you.

Another of the body language signs of a liar is more obvious. It's difficult for most liars to maintain eye contact for any period of time. If the person you believe is lying to you looks to the left often when talking to you, that's not a promising sign. They are having trouble looking directly tat you because they know they are misleading you. Pay special attention to the eyes of the suspected liar. They will tell you a lot about the person. -Gillian Reynolds

How to Detect Lying in Someone You Love – Ways to Tell if They’re Being Dishonest

One of the most challenging struggles a person can face is if they suspect someone they love is not being honest with them. Whether it’s your spouse, a child or a close friend, if you feel they are being deceitful, there’s a cloud of suspicion that hangs over the relationship. If you’re in this situation now you’ve probably been wondering about how to detect lying. There are ways anyone can tell if someone they care for is being dishonest. Confirming dishonesty is actually much easier than you may realize.

Learning how to detect lying in someone starts with recognizing certain body language patterns. For instance, someone who is lying will often stand off center to the person they are deceiving. When a person is being open and honest they’ll stand or sit right in front of you. A liar will often position their legs or upper body away from you. This can be subtle and is very hard to notice if you aren’t specifically looking for it.

People who lie subconsciously want to cover their lie so they’ll often touch their face in an effort to do that. Some liars will place their hand next to their mouth, while others will rub their eyes. Whenever a person’s hand moves toward their face when they are speaking, you should question whether or not what they are saying is the truth.

In addition to covering the eyes, there’s another clue that can be found in this area of the face. When a person is being untruthful they’ll have a harder time looking directly at the person they are deceiving. Their eyes may dart around or they’ll wander to the left. Not only is this a way to avoid having to look at the person they are lying to but it also gives them time to think of what to say next. When a person is being truthful the words just flow, liars have to think before they speak. -Gillian Reynolds

10 Reasons People Just Can’t Get Organized

I have a friend who avoided going home after work because it was just too depressing. Her home was cluttered and disorganized in every room. She had fast food wrappers everywhere. Drinks had spilled on the couch and carpet that made a sticky mess. She couldn’t find her DVD’s because they were scattered everywhere. She had late fees galore on both DVD’s and library books because she couldn’t find them under all the clutter. She didn’t know how to declutter her home or her life. If this sounds familiar to you here are 10 Tips on how to declutter your home and your life.

1. Some people think they are just lazy and that is why they can’t organize. As a professional organizer I have worked with hundreds of people and no one I have met is lazy, that may be an avoidance tactic. We are busy people and have a lot of demands on our time.

2. They don’t know what they want and haven’t taken the time to think about what they want their home to look like.

3. You may want to keep everything you now have in your home. In each room eliminate 30% to 50% of the stuff (depending on how much you have). If this is too hard to do get rid of 20 items in each room, again depending on how much there is to get rid of.

4. You tell yourself you don’t know where to start? Here are some suggestions of where to start: Chose the room that bothers you the most. Start in your bedroom as that room can be a place of sanctuary for you. Start on the front porch or in the entry way as that is the place visitors and guests see first. When you are in a room start organizing from the inside out, do the flat services after you have done the closet, drawers, armoire, cupboards etc.

5. Have you ever said there just isn’t enough time in the day to declutter my home? The solution is to start slow and take baby steps. Set a timer for 15 to 20 minutes and see how much you can get done in that length of time. You will be surprised how much you can get done by taking one small bite at a time. If you are in a good rhythm, reset your timer and keep on clearing clutter.

6. You blame other people in your home for keeping the clutter around. (Only because it is often true). Start with your things first and when they see you are serious and are making changes they will be more likely to come on board and will be willing to declutter their space. Negotiate with your family and share with them your goals on how you want your home to look and feel.

7. What is the use to organize, it will just get unorganized? Do you ever feel this way? And it is true unless you have some systems in place to help you and your family keep it organized. Have a home for everything and after using something put it back where it belongs immediately after using it. When you see something out of place pick it up then and put it away, or in a drawer straighten things up before they get out of hand and a jumbled mess.

8. Do your children undo everything you do? Give them responsibilities and teach them how to declutter by putting things away, reward them and praise them for jobs they do.

9. You are holding on to things because you may need it someday. It is all just stuff; consider is it worth the cost to replace it IF at some future time you need it compared to what it is costing in clutter living in your home.

10. You can’t decide what to get rid of? As you look at every item ask yourself how long it has been since you used it, do you ever use it, does it light you up, could someone else make better use of it? By asking yourself these questions it will be easier to part with the stuff that is just taking up space in your home and creating clutter.

By using these simple steps to declutter your home you will be able to keep organized. Life happens and things get unorganized, but keep your goals in mind and use the systems you put in place to keep organized.

Marilyn is a professional organizer and invites you to visit her website www.marilynbohn.com, She is a sought after public speaker and author who is passionate about teaching ways to organize your life and how to reduce clutter. She works with women in their homes and offices. On her web site she teaches you to get rid of clutter by using her Lights On Organizing System. She provides practical information on how to declutter your home, office and life. In her blogs, articles, and videos she gives timely tips on how to clear clutter and how to declutter everything in your home and office. She is the author of a book called Go Organize! Conquer clutter in three simple steps which will be in major bookstores in December 2009. -Marilyn Bohn

7 Concrete Ways To Build Up Trust In Your Relationship

Did you know that there are 7 concrete ways to build trust in a relationship? Frequently, what really makes a relationship work is not the usual stuff we assume of first. For example, do you believe you for all time need to zest things up? Wrong! Expectedness is more vital than diversity in a relationship. The subsequent seven methods are fail-safe to grow your bond by improving the stage of trust in a relationship.

First and foremost, as what I have mentioned in the opening paragraph, you got to be predictable. This goes against the general concept that you need to shift things up to keep the romance full of life. Surely, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be pleasant, but for the most part of it, we need things to be constant and stable in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being dependable day in and day out.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency. If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

Don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

Fifth, do not be anxious to let your partner know what your requests are. Do not make him or her speculate what you need. Let them know! It is acceptable to be self-absorbed as long as you are not egocentric. If truth be told and you are unenthusiastic to assert your needs, you may possibly go overboard in the contradicting direction and oppress your partner.

Sixth, you have to learn to say no. When your other half expresses to you about what are his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you do not call for to say yes to everything. A partner cannot value you if you in no way say no. Declining to be dominated to the other person will really builds trust in a relationship.

Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.

When you come to a decision to work on the trust in a relationship, you are guaranteed to stumble upon a little pain. But, as you work throughout this pain, you will not merely become stronger as a personage, you will also fortify your relationship. -Andyl Bergerl

Is It Possible To Restore Trust In Any Relationships After Affairs?

Is it possible to convince your ex back into the relationship even though you have cheated? It has been observed that many relationships end because of an affair. But I disagree and believe that a relationship can still be restored to the way it was before the affair. Of course, both individuals have to be willing to put in the effort to save their relationship. This article is all about restoring the trust in relationship.

To restore trust in your relationship, you need to make some adjustments to your action as well as your attitude. It is quite possible to save your relationship even after having an affair. The major component you need here is to win back the trust of your partner.

Now look, it is very probable that if you choose to have an affair, you might also be having some attitude which made you stray. There is a possibility that there is something wrong in the relationship. And there is a big chance that you can heal that infection.

Let's get to the reason for why you strayed. Was your partner too busy to give you time? Or is it because she is not grooming herself?

You will probably not even consider an affair if your relationship is perfect with your partner. The question is, what can be done to fix your relationship now? Many times, the solution will be more apparent if you conduct a serious self analysis.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

But you need to realize that understanding your thoughts are not good enough. What is important is that you need to take concrete action in solving those problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

The best thing you can do is to make a promise and stick to it. For example, if you have promised her that you would be home by 7 every evening, you need to make sure that you do come home by that time. And then you need to do this with consistency. If your partner can trust you on small things, it will be easier for your partner to trust you on bigger issues.

Now your girlfriend or your wife will always need to be assured and would always want to ensure that you have really changed. This means that you will probably have to apologize more than once. It is certainly not easy for her to forget the breach of trust. If you really want to stay with her, be calm and patient with her.

This certainly doesn't mean that you need to feel guilty about what you did forever. Just let her speak out whatever she has in her heart once and for all. It is obvious that in the beginning, she will not be happy about the new relationship you are building. Try to be more understanding.

It is important to let go of your past mistakes and take it as an opportunity to improve your relationship to even better than before, so that both of you will grow as an individuals. Doing so will also improve your relationship. Just like a bone grows stronger at the place it was broken, after successfully dealing with an affair, your relationship can be much better than before.

It takes time to restore trust in your relationship. It is important for both of you to amend your actions and attitudes toward each other. By working on your action and attitude, it will enhance the bonding between both of you and will surely lead to a better and healthier relationship. -Andyl Bergerl

When Making Up, Use Honesty As Your Weapon

When your heart is broken, it's the most painful and emotional day of your life. Nothing else can so easily rob you of a will to live, or is more important than love. You have no one to turn to, because the person you would have leaned on, in this time of crisis, is the one you have separated from. You feel all alone in your quest to find answers and to rebuild your connection. It can be done though. Your relationship can be healed even after the most intense fight you've ever had, even if the reasons are valid and serious and damning. There's a way you can come back from this and be stronger and in love all over again by simply making up.

This process is more detailed than simply reliving your break up, or your fight, in your mind, or talking about it. It contains many different twists and turns, none of them flattering or comfortable. But each step is necessary and important.

It's also vital that you do this very soon after your break up. Don't wait. Do it now. If you want or need to analyze it, do it quickly. The longer you wait the more time there is for thoughts to enter your mind and his/hers that will make the making up part harder.

I'll give you a few steps and ideas here, then I suggest you look at my bio for an ebook that I know will help you as it has helped many others in the art of making up. And yes, it is an art. Actually I think he called it magic. We all need a little magic from time to time. That's why so many people need help in their time of crisis. You are not alone.

I found that after a fight, or break up, I must sit quietly and think about all that was said and done and the cause of it. Then I can look at it a little more objectively. When I do this, I can often see what I said and did that was wrong and I concentrate on what I've done, should do next time, or didn't do. I cannot change what they did, but I can listen to their words and feelings and start planning how I'm going to go about making up.

It's so important at this time to be brutally honest, with yourself as well as with your lover or partner. It's hard though, too, because your feelings sometimes get in the way. You must persist. If you cannot be honest, you will have nothing on which to build. If it's hard for you, consider the probability that it's just as hard for him/her.

So my first word of advice is to be honest.

Part of the above, is the next step - taking the blame for what you did wrong.

This is just as hard. I know. It's always so easy to blame someone else or circumstances or your mood. It's not always true though and you know it. Sometimes you did wrong and you're going to have to own up to it. You're going to have to be the one that says I'm sorry, I did wrong. Then you're going to have to be the one who waits for your lover to say he/she forgives you or is still mad at you. This is all part of the making up process, a necessary part.

The problem is that if you don't own up to your mistakes, how can you expect them to own up to theirs? If you make the first move and admit what you did, then you can hope that they are strong enough in the assurance of your love to do the same. And you must give them that assurance, too.

You must state that you love them, if it's true. Obviously if it's not true, then don't say it. We're talking in this article about breaking up with your loved one, so I can only assume that you love this person you are making up with, or trying to.

It's a good foundation on which to build - honesty - owning up to your mistakes and telling them you love them, giving them the assurance that you are willing to forgive their mistakes, if not immediately then in time. Telling them that you want to continue this bond. Assuring them of your forgiveness in time. Letting them know you trust and accept them. This is all part of the making up process.

This short article does not give me room to explain all that I am trying to convey to you. I wish I could help you understand why I believe this is so important. I've been married 33 years and I know what a broken heart feels like. Making up has been part of my marriage for years and I always hated the reason for it. It's so important, though, and so worth the effort. I still love my husband more than words can say and I would never wish any other person to go through life without their lover at their side.

So I suggest you do whatever is necessary, also legal and moral, to win back your lover. Making up is extremely important. Don't ever overlook it. -Jenny Dunbar

Breaking Up is Hard to Do - Making Up is Harder

There is an old song called "Breaking up is hard to do". Later on in the song the lyrics say "I wish that we were making up again". This song summarizes some relationships perfectly. Without a doubt breaking up is hard to do and making up is even harder. Here are some reasons why.

Breaking up is hard to do because you have to say things to end the relationship that are hurtful. Making up is harder because it's so difficult to take back the bad words and even harder to forgive them. Undoubtedly someone said some things that were unpleasant. Whoever was on the receiving end will have a very hard time forgiving those words. They will probably never forget the words.

Breaking up is hard to do because you cared enough about the other person to begin a relationship in the first place. Making up is harder because you've either broken the trust of the other person or your trust in the other person is broken. Once this type of intimate trust is broken it is very difficult to get back. It can be done but it takes time and patience.

Breaking up is hard to do because the relationship helps define who you are.Making up is harder because you've lost your sense of self and who you are. Relationships take on a personality of their own. Couples typically begin to define themselves through the relationship with the rest of the world. When the relationship is lost it can be easy to lose perspective of your self or your self worth.

Breaking up is hard to do because you shared the relationship with friends and family.Making up is harder because friends and family get forced to take sides. In some cases friends were used to help build up one person's case for the break up. Inevitably, friends and family become the sounding board for all of your feelings about the relationship. So if you decide to get back with your ex it can be difficult for them to support you. You've probably told them every horrible thing you can think of about the other person.

Breaking up is hard to do because it's easier to stay in a relationship than end one.Making up is harder because once you do make the change it's hard to go back. The concept of inertia plays a big part in everyone's life. Change is hard. It can be hard to enter into a relationship, even harder to break up and harder still to make up. Knowing that making up will be difficult also sabotages our efforts for reconciliation. Its just easier to give up and not try because we know its hard to make up. -Jenny Dunbar

It’s not Hard to Say Thank You

Saying the words “thank you” is one of the first lessons a child must learn by example at home. Showing gratitude and making it a habit is a trait that can take one anywhere. Politicians, actors, and musicians say these words in every speech delivery possible. Why would they not when they will be nowhere close to where they are without their supporters and fans.

Pronouncing these two words does not have to be verbal all the time. A flower delivery accompanied by lavender tea bags in the afternoon is a good way to thank your editor for staying up all night, proofreading your manuscript to the last word. Kids show appreciation to their favorite teachers by giving them the juiciest and reddest apple, their mom’s infamous brownies, and drawings of their entire class by the school garden complete with multi-colored butterflies and doodled flowers. While they are crossing their fingers for monetary bonuses, staff members usually just get pizza and pasta from their bosses for bagging a new client.

It is especially beneficial to show gratitude in romantic relationships. The habit of frequently thanking your partner or as they say, being “romantically polite”, not only shows your appreciation but it also boosts his or her ego overtime. In addition, when you thank your partner for even the simplest gesture, the cheapest gift, or just for giving you a casual complement, it cues him that you liked what he just did or gave. This will definitely go down in this mental notebook as the things that please you and he in turn will do it more often.

Your options on how to say thank you, as a romantic partner is almost bottomless. Flowers and chocolates are and have always been good thank you tokens. Giving his dog a bath or bringing his car to the carwash is will guarantee a good karma. Handing the remote over during season finals and not talking during the game might sound silly but this will go a long way to some men.

Since gratitude is relative, saying or showing thank you can also be overdone. The key is to keep the delivery of your appreciation in the same or just a little over the gravity of the gift or gesture you have received. The only exception to this rule that I can think of would be saying thank you to your parents, your brother’s heart transplant donor, or the woman who gave you three beautiful children that you can just look at the whole day. -Timothy Spencer

Sending Flowers Can Fix Your Love Life

For a lot of guys, getting into an argument with a spouse or girlfriend can come at a cost. Especially when you try to atone for the transgression and nothing seems to work.

The ingredients of a fierce argument, is usually set by a little (okay a lot) yelling, a dash of door slamming, possibly flying objects, you suck, no you suck, and maybe a sprinkle of I hate you too - to top it off. This mix of often regrettable back and forth will tend to mutate into a big mess no body wants.

The aftermath is never good but when a guy really cares, making up takes a lot of courage and a lot of face saving. For men it's not that easy to move a bruised ego forward and say I'm sorry.

But for guys who fill compelled to make things right will begin to find a way to get back into the good graces of their love ones' arms again. Often the process of making up isn't cheap because you need to show you care by going the extra mile even if it involves spending a little money.

Whether the choice is expensive jewelry, clothes, or a trip to an island getaway the remedy is up to the male offender. But for some guys sending flowers can be the perfect answer to saying I love you without ever saying the actual words.

Having flowers sent to her place of work can be the most practical way of saying you care and at the same time letting everyone around her know that someone really cares for her. The options and types of flowers to send are unlimited especially with online flower shops. There are a variety of different gift sets and flower types she's sure to love.

Online floral services give men a great place to find romantic gifts and flowers that say just what they can't say. In addition online floral services offer excellent discount deals and savings that make buying flowers online ideal and a great place to start saving a relationship. -Kennard McGill

Learn How to Know If You Are Being Emotionally Abused

Being involved in a relationship is not easy. It takes a great deal of work by both parties involved. But if you are involved in a relationship where one party consistently tries to control you both physically and emotionally. If they are constantly trying to make you feel inferior an incompetent around them. If there art time you may even feel crazy, you are probably involved in an abusive relationship. In this article I hope to give you a few of the signs to look for to evaluate if you are in an abusive relationship.

Get Free Emotionally Abused: Womens Advice Today

First, your partner does not want you to better yourself. They do not want you to have access to a better education or allow you to take part in activities that would lead to more independence.

How to: Get Tips for Women

Second, your partner is constantly putting you down. They tell you how dumb you are and how you do not know how to do anything. At the same time they tell you how everything they do is right and that their way is the only way. They will do this when you are alone or in front of others.

Third, your partner tries to control all of your activities. Whatever you do during the day, they will want to know where you were and with who you were with. Even if this concept doesn't appeal to you, you report in rather than fight.

Fourth, Your partner tries to limit the time you spend with friends and family. This is done many time by applying guilt.

Fifth, Your partner may try to control you with sex. They may withhold sex and tell you you are not worthy of their sexual affections, or they may be overly demanding and want too much sex. Making you feel like a sex slave and trapped. Few of us really appreciate what a weapon sex can be.

Lastly, fear is another tool that your partner may resort to. Fear for yourself or fear for those you love. Sometimes they may give you love and then take it away. They use their love to you as a reward. Your greatest fear may be losing that love. -Bryan Burbank

Building Confidence - Talent

It may not always be apparent, but a lack of confidence has a very profound effect on your daily life. Lots of people do not even realize that there is a need to build more self-confidence within themselves. Nearly every situation in your life has something to do with self-esteem/confidence in some way or another. You will need faith in yourself and your abilities when meeting new people, starting new hobbies, or getting a promotion. It may seem that you lack certain skills and that you feel unqualified to do certain things, and you are correct. A lack of skill is related to a lack of confidence, but more importantly, this can be seen in the vice versa.

Here is an example of someone who rarely goes out. He can be outgoing and jubilant with his close friends, but never in public. He is usually seen as quiet and introverted, and hardly ever makes eye-contact. There could be a number of reasons for why he is like this. Maybe he was scolded when he talked to strange folks as a child. Perhaps he had an altercation and was humiliated in school. Maybe he did not grow up with the finest of amenities, and was laughed at about his "choice" of clothing. Whatever the cause, the end result is that he doesn't like to go out much, and it's probably because he lacks confidence in himself.

This fellow can and will make himself confident in many ways. He could be a prolific artist. When others see his work, they may be amazed at the size of his portfolio. It would seem that he could make a decent living from his work.

But there is an inherent problem: No one ever sees his work.

His friends are baffled as to why he does not go public with his work. It's obvious he loves doing it, why doesn't he create a huge portfolio and submit it to a gallery or something?

That's a problem many of us have. You can have all of this potential in the world and it wouldn't mean anything if you are unable to act upon it because of your fear of the unknown. What is there to be frightened of? Normal people do not understand the dilemma faced by people with low self-esteem. They can't see the crippling effect of a lack of self confidence, and don't realize that as the sufferer is further crippled, he could spiral into depression, drug use and crime.

What is the fear? It is fear of humiliation, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of meeting new people, even fear of success. This person has been predisposed in someway to thing that anything he does is never good enough. He was not taught to fight for what he believed in, and to take loss as a lesson to learn.

Defeating this disposition is no easy task. A person has to constantly remind his or herself that the thoughts that pop into their brain automatically are irrational, and usually untrue. It takes a lot of time to start to chisel away at the rigidity of the mind and start to see results. For the duration of this therapy, the person in question must be constantly reminded that only through persistence and patient can the mind be changed. Small wins turn into big wins, and the sufferer will eventually begin to understand that it is possible to give up the negative thoughts and build more confidence. -Rocky Moses

Six Ways to Improve Learning Skills

Let’s define learning, shall we?

In today’s very busy world, it doesn’t really matter how much you know. What matters more is how much can you deliver at the shorts possible time, in the quickest way possible, and with the most returns. It will definitely help if one possesses high IQ since it does not necessarily mean that one knows a lot of things. On the contrary, it means that one has the know-how in maximizing his/her brain power and potential.

An example of first stage of learning

When you encounter a huge amount of new information, most often than not, you tend to get overwhelmed. But this should not be the case. Feeling overwhelmed is natural. Just keep at it because you are at the first stage of learning. You will notice that the more you spend time learning the new batch of information, the easier it gets and the less confused and overwhelmed you will feel. Of course it will help if you have already improved your IQ prior to facing new learning materials. This way, you won’t even be overwhelmed by it. You will even be challenged to learn more.

The importance of breaks

Per hour, schedule a 5-minute break to relax the mind and be at ease. This will help rejuvenate your brain cells and later on fuel your brain power. There is also a study that says the mind easily remembers the first and last thing it tackled. By having breaks every hour, you produce more first and last things thereby increasing the learning you produce via memory.

Intelligence all throughout your body

Human beings are capable of learning many things. We have multiple intelligences and it is our duty and privilege to harness them all. Therefore, learn to listen to your body. Notice when you are more susceptible to learning and when you are resisting it. If it’s the latter, perhaps there are things your body needs to fulfill first before tackling mental problems. If your limbs are aching, perhaps it’s time to stop playing soccer and go read up your books first.

Paradigm shift

When you seem to have done everything you could but still are resisting learning new materials before you, perhaps it’s about time to shift paradigms. Think as if you are a teacher and you need to learn these things so you may teach them to your students later on.

Kinesthetic Activity

It is important to stay active. Whether you play sports or music or dance, doing such physical activities develop more dendrites in your brain thereby increasing your intelligence, boosting your memory and heightening your brain power.

Traveling is also one way of relaxing the mind while doing some physical activities like walking or boating, etc. while also gorging on new knowledge from your new surroundings and experiences.

To know more, please head to http://more-iq.blogspot.com/2009/07/six-ways-to-improve-learning-skills.html -Karen Prime

Lie - Of Course I Don't Lie

I've always considered myself an honest person, but apparently I'm not. A recent survey revealed that each of us tells on average four lies a day, and what I'd always considered as simply being economical with the truth is, infact, a lie.

It seems the most common untruths are that we feel "fine" when actually we don't, and if someone asks our opinion on an outfit we are somewhat careful with our response. After all, how many men do you know who dare honestly respond to, "Does my bum look fat in this?"

Statistics are strange things and vary depending on whom you ask, but this survey said seventy-five per cent of men lied more than women, and overall, two-thirds of us didn't feel the slightest bit guilty about it.

"Untruths", "porky pies", "lies" or whatever you choose to call them oil the wheels of social discourse and we would have far fewer friends if we always told the truth. I don't know if you ever saw the film Liar, Liar with Jim Carey but certainly life was a lot smoother for him when he stopped telling the absolute truth.

Apparently we learn to lie as babies. I know that seems hard to believe, but the experts say when our little angels cry for no reason it's because they want attention and their noise makes us believe there is something wrong. They are, infact, lying to us. Who'd have believed it?

Anyway, we lie to protect our fragile egos but not everyone is good at it. Men fare worse as they demonstrate tell tale signs like sweaty palms, hot flushes and strange hand/face gestures; or they embellish their stories and give too much information.

Women can usually tell when a man is lying but it's far more difficult the other way round. Maybe, they just never suspect the female to be devious, or just don't take any notice of their partners' body language, etc.

Of course, that's assuming the lie is being told to your face, and I have to say there are some people who make a living out of lying. Having been the victim of two incredibly clever and plausible scams, when the "liars" looked me in the eye, shook my hand and then defrauded me of thousands of pounds, I often wonder how they sleep at night.

As the victim I felt hurt, sick and humiliated, and sadly I've reached the point where I don't trust anyone any more. It's a shame, but a reflection on our society.

In the newspapers and on the television there are repeated cases of vulnerable people being scammed, People lose their life savings, and often it destroys their health and will to live. Some people have even taken their own lives because of such despicable acts.

When I worked as a secretary for a lawyer there were many bitter disputes between
friends and family because of money lent and never repaid. It ruined relationships, and whenever I came across them I always thought of my dad's wise words "Never a borrower nor a lender be".

Recently I heard of a young student who's had his university course blighted by some "lady" claiming to be studying medicine at Birmingham. It seems they met at a party and "hit it off", if you see what I mean and continued their "relationship" via the internet as he was in a different location.

A few days after the party she told the student she'd been mugged in Nigeria and had lost all her money. The smitten student cabled her his grant money, which she promised to repay upon her return to UK, and guess what? Yes, she disappeared along with the money. Unsurprisingly, the free yahoo e-mail address is no longer valid and the police can't do a thing about it.

The young male student is now finding university somewhat more frugal than he had anticipated and struggling to provide the course books he needs. Meanwhile, the medical student, if indeed she is one, is probably having a fine old time.

So, here's a word of warning. If you see a slim, brunette, white girl with a Birmingham accent and a free e-mail address, possibly calling herself Jane Smith (I know!), who claims to be studying medicine and is pretty flush with money and free with favours at parties, be very wary. She obviously cried a lot as a baby because at the tender age of twenty-two she's already a master at lying. -Jean Shaw

Inside The Mind of a Man

I think Love Matters should be an subject we learn about in school. Unfortunately it isn't and most of us end up spending a life time, chasing after an idea of a man.

Men have been, and always will be, “wired” differently than women. The sooner you get that men are different, the sooner you’ll start expanding your own awareness and perspective and being seeing the secrets to making a man feel INTENSELY ATTRACTED to you, and creating a loving and lasting committed relationship between you and a man with what feels like little or no “work”.

It is possible.

Giving understanding, and seeking to first understand, and THEN be understood really does create more and more understanding in return.

For most women, dating a man is like looking at an iceberg. Much of what’s there is below the surface where you can’t see it. The behavior and communication you see and get from a man is what I call the “outer world” and it doesn’t show what’s actually going on underneath the surface in the “inner world” of psychology and emotions. As you know, sometimes it’s impossible to know or guess what a man is thinking. And oftentimes a man won’t lead about how he’s feeling until time has passed and he’s made up his mind about something.

The most frustrating example of this is how a man will start feeling “unsure” about a relationship, or not like something a woman is doing, but he doesn’t say anything. At least not until he’s already made up his mind that the relationship isn’t working, and he wants to leave.

This is the worst kind of frustrating nightmare for a woman… when all he needed to do was open his mouth and share what he was feeling, and it would have all worked out and brought you closer for it.

I can hear it now. The subtle voice in the back of your mind that you’d never say out loud… but is there wired up in your thinking and your beliefs in the way you interact with and approach men- “If only men were more like women…relationships would be so much easier.”

Is this really true? Think about it for a second?

Thinking from an emotional perspective, would you want to date a lot of the women you know?

Hmmm… Interesting.

Here’s something that should open your eyes a bit…

Men have been practicing their whole lives to hide their “inner world.” They’ve been conditioned to hide or ignore their emotions for most of their lives, even from the time they were little boys and there parents or their father said “Don’t cry. Toughen up.”

So it should come as no surprise that lots of men are completely out of touch with the ability to recognize what’s going on in their “inner world” and communicate what it is they are feeling. Especially when it comes to the passion and intensity that can come from dating and close intimate relationships.

You’ve probably tried to talk to a man about how you were feeling sometime, and you felt like he just wasn’t listening. Or that he didn’t care.

If you’re interested in understanding Men, there’s a whole lot to learn here in these moments…

You can get REAL Answers here: www.albinafabiani.com/you-and-him.html. -Albina Fabiani

Why Men Lie

Men often lie to us or don't share their real feelings with us because:

Men want to protect us from their negative feelings about us or their bad behavior. They don't want to hurt us by what they say or do, so they don't say anything or they tell us what they think we want to hear.

Men are afraid of women. They don't know the "emotional game" that women play, so they are afraid to use the emotional language. When we're young, we learn to talk feelings while they learn to play ball. They've learned that more often than not they will get in trouble if they share feelings with us. They are afraid we will think them weak or controlling or insecure.

Men are often not emotionally in touch with what they are really feeling. They are often thinking logically or defensively -- like how to stay out of trouble with us. They seldom ask themselves how they are really feeling about something we did or why they seem angry at us.

Men often believe that any issue they have with you is probably a reason to just end the relationship, so why bring it up. They've not been taught that discussing a relationship can often bring solutions to problems so that it can work better in the future.

What women can do to keep men from lying to them:

Don't put your man in a no-win situation, i.e. getting mad if he says something you don't like, yet also getting mad when he won't answer the question or placates you. Don't punish him when you don't get the answer you want.

Remind him that you want the truth before you ask him a question, i.e., state: "I really want the truth and want you to know that I'll be more upset with you if I find out you lied to me."

Go ahead and guess what he might be feeling and suggest a way to fix it, i.e.,"Ill bet you're upset that I invited my mom along tonight, aren't you? Do you want me to call her and change it?"

What men need to know to be more honest:

Your lies will always catch up to you, and women are usually more upset about a man lying than they are about the original issue. It's just like when you were a kid and lied and got into bigger trouble for lying.

You are acting like a wimp when you just tell her what she wants to hear instead of the truth. Get some kahonas and be a man; you wouldn't act that weak at work or with the guys, would you?

Here's how to handle her if you are afraid she "can't handle the truth:" Tell her: "Look, I care about you, but I feel set up and like I can't win sometimes. If I tell you the truth and you don't like it, you get upset. Yet if I don't tell you what I'm thinking, you say I'm not communicating and that I'm unemotional! When I say I don't like something you're doing or wearing or whatever, it doesn't mean I don't like you. You can't ask me if you don't really want the answer or you're going to take it as rejection." -Carolyn Bushong

5 Good Reasons to Tell & Share Your Life Story

1. Each day of life is truly a gift. It is important to seize the day to write at least a heartfelt letter, or preferably, a more complete life story while you have the chance. Your beliefs, values, and experiences will be invaluable to to present and future generations. This needs to be done whether you are 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, or 90+.

2. You do have something to say and you can say it. Keep it mind that you don’t have to write like your old high school English teacher or Shakespeare to say what you want to say. Short, direct sentences are just fine. Remember the details from the events of your life. Recall what you saw, heard, smelled, tasted, or felt during that moment.

3. See the big picture and learn about you! You have accomplished many things during your time on earth. Life review through a tool like www.lifebio.com helps you recognize the joys and challenges you have experienced at different stages of life. You will gain a new “big picture” perspective on where you’ve come from and where you are going. You might learn some new things about yourself that could affect the way you live the rest of your life. You will also have the opportunity to share history from your own perspective.

4. Your children and grandchildren need (and want) your life story to preserve their legacies. Children (especially grown children) will gain strength from reading your life experiences and memories. They don’t just want your life stories recorded; they need them to be recorded. There is real wisdom that comes from your life experience.

Also, within your story is the story of the men and women that shaped your life. Within your story are your memories of your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Without your recollections of these important people, the next generations will never know them. That would be a shame.

5. Your life story will share your love. Recording memories is a lasting way to ensure future generations know what was truly important to you. Tell them that you love them—on paper so it will be there for them for years to come. Tell them your hopes for their future. Tell them what you feel is truly important about your family’s beliefs. Tell them what must endure. Help them remember—from your own words. -Beth Sanders

Signs That Reveal a Guy's Interest in You

There are a number of indicators that will help you to determine whether a guy shows interest in you. Among these indicators, three particularly stand out. When you know how to read the signs, you will know how things stand, which will help you in acting accordingly.

One of the important indicators is the way he will throw glances towards you. If you find that a guy seems to look at you every now and then, it is hardly coincidental. This clearly shows that he has romantic interest in you. You will thus be able to react as per your own feelings and intents. So, if you are also drawn towards the guy, this is a good opportunity to make yourself available for a date. Of course, you should not rush into this process before you are really certain that he is attracted to you. Here is a good indicator that will help you to come to a better conclusion.

This has to do with the guy's body language. This will help you to read some messages that he passes across even without realizing it.

In addition to the frequent glances already mentioned, here are other things that will also show a guy's romantic interest. He will try to attract your attention in every conceivable way, including some that may appear rather childish. He may blush when your eyes lock, or when you get closer. He will also try to close the gap between you as he enjoys your company. These additional indicators will reveal that the guy is strongly attracted towards you.

No one really enjoys being lonely, and if you know that a guy likes you, you will have quite a good feeling. In order to avoid making wrong conclusions, you should also take note of the manner in which he talks with you.

It is important to read the signs well in order to differentiate between genuine concern and mere flirting. Once you have determined this fact, you should focus on yourself in turn.

Are you also interested in the guy? If you are not truly interested in him, it will hardly make any difference whether he likes you or not.

In case you also like the guy, you should naturally give him room to make his advances. On the other hand, if you are not interested, then it is wicked to encourage him. In such a case, you should find a good way of stopping his efforts without dampening his spirits either.

In a nutshell, here are the things that will help you to determine whether a guy is interested in you. Check the way he throws furtive glances at you. Does he try to attract your attention? How does he talk with you? What do other aspects of his body language tell you?

You should therefore have keen eyes and ears in order to detect the important clues. Then react according to your own interest to either keep him at bay or be available for a date. -Chris Roberts

Interpret a Guy's Body Language to Determine His Interest

There is one simple and plain fact that you should be aware of: in case a guy has personal interest in you, there will be some indicative signs. It is hence important for you to know how you can read the signs and determine the naked truth. One of the best methods that you can use to determine a guy's interest is by studying his body language.

This is not some strange concept, but simply means the things that his body will show you from the way he behaves in general. This concerns every movement that the guy will take, which will help to reveal how he truly feels whether he is aware of it or not. This is due to the fact that the human body normally tends to react as per our various reflexes.

Although no two people will behave in exactly the same way, there are some general indicators that will help you to determine a particular guy's interest. Let us take a look at the general guidelines you can use to read his body language.

Watch his facial reaction

When it comes to body language, the face plays a very key role. In many cases, what someone feels is normally displayed on the face first of all. In case the guy's face betrays some signs of shyness, this is an indication that he has some interest in you.

There are a number of things you should take into consideration in order for you to reach the correct conclusion by reading the guy's face. How does he look at you? His confidence will show through in case he faces you directly, which means that he believes in his ability to make a successful approach. On the other hand, in case the guy seems to focus on other things during your conversations, there are a number of possible reasons. His lack of self confidence may be making him nervous, but this happens because he is interested in you. Alternatively, he may be avoiding direct eye contact with you in a bid to hide his dishonesty. This is particularly the case if he shifts his entire face away from you. Although a nervous guy who is interested in you will avoid eye contact, his face will never the less be directed towards you.

In addition to making eye contact, an interested guy who is confident will watch your mouth as you speak. This is essentially in order to get every word that you say so as not to miss anything. However, if he is afraid to make his approach, he will avoid eye contact but will still face you.

Check his hand movements

Although the face is very important when it comes to reading body language, men are aware of this fact too. So some have perfected the art of hiding what their faces can tell you. If you draw a blank from his face, watch his hands instead. A variety of hand movements will reveal different things. For instance tapping ones fingers will tend to indicate boredom. While touching the nose gives an indication of lying, touching the chin shows the passing of judgment.

Posture

A guy's general posture will reveal to you more than just his interest. For example, although he is interested in you, if he stands with the hands akimbo, it shows that he looks down on you, which is not a good sign. -Chris Roberts

Listening - An Essential Ingredient in Relationships

Some people have the gift of gab. You might be one of those born with a natural ability to talk to people and get your point across. But true communication that builds up a relationship isn't about how well you talk or how persuasive you can be. It's a give and take between two people. Surprisingingly, it's a skill that sadly seems to be lacking in most people, because one of the common reasons for relationships breaking up or losing what I call its happy-worthiness is an inability to communicate effectively.

Communication comes from a word that means to "share between...". Webster formally defines it as the exchange of information between individuals. In most cases, people don't have a problem with talking. As long as we're not mute, talking isn't a problem for most of us, especially us women. Communication in a relationship or marriage isn't just about getting your point across, it's also understanding what the other person is saying to us and responding appropriately. You can't understand what you're spouse is saying if you're not LISTENING. We need to learn to close our mouths and listen to what they have to say. We can't hear them if we're still talking or if we keep interrupting.

We actually don't listen with our ears, but with our mind. Why did I say that? Of course, we hear the sound of the words with our ears, but we process what it means with our minds. Our minds are developed to reason or think a certain way by experiences we've had, things we've been taught, what we give our time and attention to, and the various kinds of training we've received. What we hear with our minds determine the response that we give. Lets look at two people listening to the sound of a car engine revving. If one is a trained mechanic, he will hear something different from the other person who might not be. Both of them will come up with two different conclusions. One has a trained ear, and the other doesn't, but they both heard the same sound.

I've observed that people's previous relationship experiences affect their communication in their current relationship. If they've had difficulties with their past partners, it tends to colour the way think so they end up responding negatively to their spouse or partner. Some times, what happens is that they're hearing something the other person didn't actually say. I had a problem of jumping to conclusions while my husband was talking. Before he even finished what he was saying, I would interrupt him with a reply based on my assumptions. He would simply say, "Why don't you let me finish?" My assumptions about what he was saying and what I thought he meant blocked my mind from hearing what he was really saying and so I couldn't understand him. I learnt to stop jumping to conclusions because I got tired of saying "I'm sorry" all the time. Humble pie doesn't taste very nice you know.

I began practising keeping my mouth shut and my mind open. As a result, we began to communicate better and understand ourselves better when we talked about one issue or the other. This helped us tremendously in minimising conflict in our relationship and resolving those times when it existed. Effective communication affects every aspect of a marriage relationship. From money to intimacy. Sex doesn't build up intimacy, communication does. So it's really important that we learn to communicate effectively and listening is a very important key in effective communication.

A lot of times, when you hear your spouse say, "You're not understanding me", take a step back and ask yourself, "Am I really listening with my mouth closed and my mind open?" If you aren't, then learn to close your big mouth, open up your mind and let them talk. It might not be easy at first, but you'll be so glad you did. If not, humble pie anyone? -Valentina Ibeachum