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Tuesday, August 25

When Making Up, Use Honesty As Your Weapon

When your heart is broken, it's the most painful and emotional day of your life. Nothing else can so easily rob you of a will to live, or is more important than love. You have no one to turn to, because the person you would have leaned on, in this time of crisis, is the one you have separated from. You feel all alone in your quest to find answers and to rebuild your connection. It can be done though. Your relationship can be healed even after the most intense fight you've ever had, even if the reasons are valid and serious and damning. There's a way you can come back from this and be stronger and in love all over again by simply making up.

This process is more detailed than simply reliving your break up, or your fight, in your mind, or talking about it. It contains many different twists and turns, none of them flattering or comfortable. But each step is necessary and important.

It's also vital that you do this very soon after your break up. Don't wait. Do it now. If you want or need to analyze it, do it quickly. The longer you wait the more time there is for thoughts to enter your mind and his/hers that will make the making up part harder.

I'll give you a few steps and ideas here, then I suggest you look at my bio for an ebook that I know will help you as it has helped many others in the art of making up. And yes, it is an art. Actually I think he called it magic. We all need a little magic from time to time. That's why so many people need help in their time of crisis. You are not alone.

I found that after a fight, or break up, I must sit quietly and think about all that was said and done and the cause of it. Then I can look at it a little more objectively. When I do this, I can often see what I said and did that was wrong and I concentrate on what I've done, should do next time, or didn't do. I cannot change what they did, but I can listen to their words and feelings and start planning how I'm going to go about making up.

It's so important at this time to be brutally honest, with yourself as well as with your lover or partner. It's hard though, too, because your feelings sometimes get in the way. You must persist. If you cannot be honest, you will have nothing on which to build. If it's hard for you, consider the probability that it's just as hard for him/her.

So my first word of advice is to be honest.

Part of the above, is the next step - taking the blame for what you did wrong.

This is just as hard. I know. It's always so easy to blame someone else or circumstances or your mood. It's not always true though and you know it. Sometimes you did wrong and you're going to have to own up to it. You're going to have to be the one that says I'm sorry, I did wrong. Then you're going to have to be the one who waits for your lover to say he/she forgives you or is still mad at you. This is all part of the making up process, a necessary part.

The problem is that if you don't own up to your mistakes, how can you expect them to own up to theirs? If you make the first move and admit what you did, then you can hope that they are strong enough in the assurance of your love to do the same. And you must give them that assurance, too.

You must state that you love them, if it's true. Obviously if it's not true, then don't say it. We're talking in this article about breaking up with your loved one, so I can only assume that you love this person you are making up with, or trying to.

It's a good foundation on which to build - honesty - owning up to your mistakes and telling them you love them, giving them the assurance that you are willing to forgive their mistakes, if not immediately then in time. Telling them that you want to continue this bond. Assuring them of your forgiveness in time. Letting them know you trust and accept them. This is all part of the making up process.

This short article does not give me room to explain all that I am trying to convey to you. I wish I could help you understand why I believe this is so important. I've been married 33 years and I know what a broken heart feels like. Making up has been part of my marriage for years and I always hated the reason for it. It's so important, though, and so worth the effort. I still love my husband more than words can say and I would never wish any other person to go through life without their lover at their side.

So I suggest you do whatever is necessary, also legal and moral, to win back your lover. Making up is extremely important. Don't ever overlook it. -Jenny Dunbar

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