Nobody likes to make mistakes, but many people have difficulty forgiving themselves when they do. They are hypercritical of themselves, and (although they try hard not to be) with others. They compulsively magnify and criticize real and imagined flaws. Although several patterns cause compulsive self-criticism, the most common one people suffer from is a seducer strategy, "I am critical and I withhold my voice until I can't stand it anymore and then I tell people what they are doing wrong. People with this pattern (I estimate about 60% of the population) use it on everyone they meet and on themselves inside. They swear at and say hurtful things to themselves for any minor provocation, and alienate others with their self-righteous attitude.
Ultimately, life is about learning and growing. Making mistakes is just one way to do that. Being hypercritical is counterproductive, and makes any upsetting situation just that much more painful. For people with a hypercritical voice, self acceptance is a real challenge. As a mission of mercy, I have provided the intervention for clearing this problem below.
What is a Seducer Strategy?
Seduction patterns are some of the most energy draining, perverse, and frustrating patterns a person can experience. People with seduction patterns get tricked into doing things they don't want to do. They are unable to leave bad relationships, jobs, family, or other upsetting situations.
Seduction patterns arise from a trauma that causes them to feel dead or empty inside. The dead part does not want to be dead or empty, but it does not know how to bring itself back to life (it doesn't know meridian tapping techniques.) It believes that the only way it can come back to life is if somebody outside of itself gives it what it needs to come back to life. We call these life and death requirements critical elements and they come in the form of gifts or benefits.
In a seducee pattern, the person being seduced (seducee) attempts to get what he/she needs by accepting gifts/benefits or the promise of gifts/benefits from the seducer. The seducee pays for what he/she gets by allowing the seducer to drain him/her of positive qualities like energy, joy, and compassion. In a seducer strategy, the person doing the seducing (seducer) tries to get what he/she needs by offering to provide the gifts/benefits (i.e. bribing) or by threatening or doing other manipulative behaviors. In effect, the promise from both seducer and seducee is, "I'll bring you to life with what I'm offering."
Sadly, it is not really possible for someone outside of you to completely bring you to life. The most that anyone gets in a seduction pattern is a small amount of what the dead part needs, and it is insufficient, perverted, and unsatisfying. Both parties are hooked on the crumb of what they have gotten and the hope of more to come. Neither side can let go because the dead part is afraid that if it gives up what little it is getting it will go back to being completely dead which is unacceptable. You can usually tell if you're seducing or someone is seducing you if you feel frustrated and drained after interacting with that person!
How Do You Free Yourself of a Seduction Pattern?
The only way to free yourself of a seduction pattern is to give back and refuse to take (now or in the future) the gifts that you are tempted by, but the dead part can't let go for fear that if it gives up what little it is getting it will go back to being completely dead. To clear seduction patterns, we use a prayer intervention in which you:
1. Renounce the gifts you're trying to get (while feeling desperate not to),
2. Ask God/Divine Source (a source that can actually deliver) to free you from the seduction pattern, heal the dead part, and provide what you need.
The intervention works instantly regardless of attitudes toward or belief in God.
3. Silencing the Inner Critic. Write out the seducer strategy "I am critical and I withhold my voice until I can't stand it anymore and then I tell people what they are doing wrong" and list what you are trying to get by doing that (the critical elements), i.e. be right, and getlove, appreciation, acceptance, etc."
Locate in your body where you feel desperate for these benefits.
Say the prayer:
"I renounce this strategy______:"I am critical and I withhold my voice until I can't stand it anymore and then I tell people what they are doing wrong in order to be right, and getlove, appreciation, acceptance, etc."
and I pray God to free me from everyone I do this with and I pray God to heal all parts of myself. I pray God to free me from this seduction pattern, and I pray God to free me from this whole pattern and everything that made me susceptible to it. I pray God to heal me of all the damage I've ever done and all the stress I've ever caused myself and others while under the influence of this pattern and erase it so completely it's as if it never happened. I pray God to provide me with whatever else I need in the benefits areas."
4. Now that you've said the prayer, try criticizing yourself. Notice that this amazingly simple forgiveness exercise instantly quiets the inner critic, a major step toward self-acceptance, compassion, and inner peace. Since you are no longer desperate for the promised benefits, know that you'll be able to figure out how to get what you need in a straightforward way.
5. Use this prayer on any other seducer strategy that you may be running. -Judith A. Swack Ph.D
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