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Tuesday, May 12

Accept Your Partner or Open the Door

Having a relationship or being married is actually the same in relation to women's expectations. Women want their partner to behave in a certain way and also expect from their partner to understand their point of view, agree and next time act without needing any guidance from their part. In most cases when men do not act as women would like, they get disappointed, hurt, and want to get out of the relationship as soon as possible, only to be chased after by a devoted man. But the relationship is not meant for women-or men in that matter-to expect the other person to do what the other one wants, but to do what one wants for oneself. A relationship is in fact the most perfect opportunity to show our true selves, like how good we are, and how we experience this relationship to its fullest.

If you want to be a good wife, a super partner, a tolerant or a faithful lover, do not expect from your partner or husband to be exactly as you are. He should be his true self, and you should be able to judge how he acts toward you, how he talks to you and what does he offer in your relationship. Do not expect someone else to make you feel happy because you decided to allow him in your life. You should be focusing on making yourself happy in the relationship and not for the other party to behave as we dreamt. The simple reason why this strategy is doomed to fail is that our partner is not in our head. At the same time our thoughts, wants or desires do not stay constant; they change as long as we evolve and interact with other human beings.

The misfortune is that while women concentrate all their effort and energy in extracting the reaction they are thinking their partner should be having, they forget to be the one they want to be. Busy as they are constructing plans and interpreting behavior patterns of their husband or lovers, women forget to make a schedule for themselves, and end up with an idealistic agenda that is going to collapse in front of their eyes. The saddest thing is that women, like you and me, actually make agenda's for their partners. Like scheduling an important appointment, or better stated like constructing a picture for their partners to fit into, women wait for men to fulfill their expectations and be happy while playing their role.

Unfortunately, in contemporary western type of societies both partners expect the same from each other and that is the main reason why things usually fall apart. We get it all wrong. In whatever situation we are experiencing, people should remember to stay true to themselves and check only their behavior and reactions. Examining what to do in a particular situation and where we would like to be in the future can give us a general framework within which we can present ourselves to our partners and be happy to have them along our side. It is not that our partner has to present us nothing. But whatever he or she wants to present, that is their own problem. Our problem should be just ourselves; always us. As experts state, any relationship, any situation is meant for us to learn, not for the other person to fit a role. The other person is only a catalyst. The rest should be only our problem. -Kadence Buchanan

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